Idealist; one guided by ideals;

I am Sam
I am Sam
Sam I am

That Sam-I-am!
Than Sam-I-am!
I do not like
that Sam-I-am!

Do you like Melon and Ham?

I do not like them, Sam-I-am.
I do not like Melon and Ham.

Would you like them here or there?

I would not like them here or there.
I would not like them anywhere.
I do not like Melon and Ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

Would you like them in a house?
Would you like them with a mouse?

I do not like them in a house.
I do not like them with a mouse.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like Melon and Ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

Would you eat them in a box?
Would you eat them with a fox?

Not in a box. Not with a fox.
Not in a house. Not with a mouse.
I would not eat them here or there.
I would not eat them anywhere.
I would not eat Melon and Ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

Would you? Could you? In a car?
Eat them! Eat them! Here they are.

I would not, could not, in a car.

You may like them. You will see.
You may like them in a tree!

I would not, could not in a tree.
Not in a car! You let me be.

I do not like them in a box.
I do not like them with a fox.
I do not like them in a house.
I do not like them with a mouse.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like Melon and Ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

Croatia! Croatia! Croatia! Croatia!
Could you, would you, in Croatia?

Not in Croatia! Not in a tree!
Not in a car! Sam! Let me be!

I would not, could not, in a box.
I could not, would not, with a fox.
I will not eat them with a mouse.
I will not eat them in a house.
I will not eat them here or there.
I will not eat them anywhere.
I do not eat Melon and Ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

You do not like Melon and Ham?

I do not like MELON AND HAM!
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

You do not like them. So you say.
Try them! Try them! And you may.
Try them and you may, I say.

Sam!
If you will let me be, I will try them.
You will see…

**Tries Melon and Ham**

… SAY! ….. They’re shit.
I told you so.
Now leave me alone you gay Flibbet.
I f@#king hate Melon and Ham!

———

Authors Note: A native delicacy in Croatia, especially in the pricier restaurants in the Dubrovnik, is “Melon and Ham” – an intricate dish with many complexities and subtle nuances. Preparation consists of taking a wedge of melon (your common garden-variety rockmelon will suffice) and slapping it on a plate next to a slice or two of store-bought ham (Is Don. Is Good.) Melon AND Ham. Do the two complement each other, you ask? Do the flavours mingle and coalesce into a partnership that compounds and magnifies their individual strengths giving rise to a sumptuous feast for the senses that is without parallel, you inquire? No. They do not.